I Almost Threw In The Towel

As much as I love to give good news, I always want to be open and honest about my hurdles along the way.

I’m exhausted.

It’s as simple as that.

I excitedly reached out to my grantor to inform them that I finally use my grant funding as planned. Keep in mind, the remainder of my grant was supposed to have been released, but because I did not use my previous year’s grant as yet, it has been withheld. {It’s only fair but this is my first grant award and I’m learning that there’s a lot more logistics to the entire process than originally thought it to be.}

My excitement quickly turned to disappointment when I receive the response…

“Is your project complete?”

They can’t be referring to having to the 1,000 copies of I Am More Than My Hair, printed and available for sale? Or so I thought.

I assumed that using my grant money was sufficient for releasing the remaining award and moving on with my project. I thought wrong.

Damn it, another hurdle!

Not only has a set back been obtaining the stories necessary to accompany the photos of all the women in my book, but also obtaining the funding needed to complete it. That’s why the grant was so vital.

My initial response (in my own head)…

“I can’t do this. I’m done!”

It has been frustrating, to say the least, working as a one-woman show. As much as I don’t like to admit this, unfortunately, I’ve had to eliminate multiple women from my project because they either haven’t sent their stories to me on time or have been unresponsive.

If there’s one thing I understand, it is that we all have lives and sometimes making the time to complete “another task” isn’t as urging as our daily routines. Then add the challenges the Universe throws at us from time-to-time.

Today, I made my last attempt to collect the story of one individual, whom hasn’t respond to my emails in over a year. I finally figured I should Google her name to see if her contact info may have changed.

Instead of finding any updates, I found an obituary.

Katie had passed away and I didn’t even know it. I was so stuck in tunnel zone I never thought to reach out to her in another way before this day.

Katie was the first individual to respond to my call for participants {outside of the first groups of women from SWAG and NAAF‘s Facebook post}.  Despite her diagnosed with breast cancer, Katie happily volunteered and often sent positive words of encouragement, especially when I lost the patience with myself and my project. She was never critical and never questioned my timing.

Instead she said…

“It will happen when it’s supposed to. There’s no rush.”

So today, I had to pull myself out of my pity party, say prayers for Katie to rest in peace and the condolences of her family, and remind myself why I started in the first place.

To use my creativity as a pedestal to cultivate awareness, and dispel the myth of a “beauty standard”. I Am More Than My Hair aids in the awareness of alopecia.

And…

I am the vessel given the opportunity to bring it to life.

It has been undeniably challenging, which I am sure is no different from anything you give as a labor of love.

So I move forward knowing that I have to work 10 times harder, but believing that it can and will be done. And although not having the grant on-hand has caused a delay, I can’t give up.

Actually, I take back, because I can.

I won’t.

I thank you for your patience and belief in the work I create, that in some way contributes to social-good, through art.

Enjoy the Holiday!

Katie… May you continue to Rest In Peace. To her family… I send my condolences and lots of love and light your way.

Peace & Blessings,
Alyscia